Astralis Frontier

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A semi-AU, semi-realistic Warrior Cats RPG based off of the books by Erin Hunter

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    ghost
    ghost
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    Post by ghost Mon Jan 04, 2021 12:22 am



    TANSYPAW
    shadowclan apprentice | torbie | dsh | tags

    //this has grown over 2,000 words, added a line break for anyone who wants to skip the argument!

    She is raised knowing her mother as two different individuals.

    The version of Grousebelly that walks besides Tansypaw today is the one she prefers. Warm and present, her gentle love is a light in which Tansypaw greedily basks. This one walks with small, easy steps, as she is unhurried for her destination. When she speaks, those narrow yellow eyes, so like Tansypaw’s own, are directed towards Tansypaw.

    There is always the other Grousebelly, the one that regards Tansypaw as a stranger, a pest, intolerance. The other one is frigid and shallow; she watches the skyline of trees with a wistful and dreamlike dissatisfaction. Gone somewhere in her head. The version of Grousebelly that Tansypaw dreads to meet.

    Yet that is not the Grousebelly who is here now, who laughs as Tansypaw bounces her way through demonstrating a spar, staggering to the side dramatically to show the defeat of the other participant. With this Grousebelly, Tansypaw can pretend her mother feels proud of her. Tansypaw stands from her theatrical defeat, shakes stuck snow from her pelt, and Grousebelly stands waiting, her smile a crinkle in her eyes.

    Grousebelly could have continued on walking, left Tansypaw behind, but she hadn’t.

    Tansypaw has never before felt so warm with content.

    The conversation lulls after that, the mother and daughter walking in silence for a time. Tansypaw tries to carry that content, tries to be happy with what is being offered. She tries, she really, truly tries, but without the conversational noise she feels disquieted and wrongfooted. Questions live in her mind without answers, and now they scratch at her closed mouth. They demand to be spoken. She has always wanted for more than she has.

    What was my father like?

    Grousebelly stops as soon as the question is asked, and Tansypaw, oblivious for a scant few steps, nearly trips over herself to return to Grousebelly’s side. She approaches like a cowering dog, body low and tail tucked to her belly. Expecting rebuttal, expecting to lose this version of her mother so soon after Tansypaw got her.

    Grousebelly stands still for a total of ten heartbeats, her breaths the short inhales of trapped prey and the quiver of her whiskers the only other movement otherwise. Tansypaw waits, her own breath held, and then Grousebelly blinks, smiles, carries as if the question had never been asked.

    In quick succession, Tansypaw feels: relief, the cold touch of realization, anger.

    In quick succession, Tansypaw thinks: she hadn’t ruined it, (she still has a chance to be good,) her mother is faking this cheery mood, is Tansypaw so truly hard to be around that Grousebelly must pretend to love her?

    Grousebelly,” Tansypaw’s voice holds all of the hurt and none of the anger. She presses to her mother’s side and tries hard not to feel like she is begging.

    Grousebelly, please,” Is she being ignored? Can Grousebelly still see her? The top of Tansypaw’s ears reach Grousebelly’s cheek. She’s always seemed so strong, a monument to the unshakable. Now all she does is remind Tansypaw of how small she feels.

    Mom, Mom, Mother, Mom, Grousebelly, Mom!See me see me see me see me, and Tansypaw knows she is heard by the way Grousebelly’s ear folds and flickers her way, both drawn to Tansypaw’s incessant noise and trying to ignore it. The skin on Grousebelly’s neck visibly twitches under her thick fur.

    Impulsive, Tansypaw bites Grousebelly then goes boneless, pulling Grousebelly partially to the ground with her. Tansypaw has grabbed her by the side of her neck, close enough to the scruff that the skin has a significant amount of give to it. Grousebelly, for all of her strength, has only fallen on her front fore-paw, the side to which Tansypaw clings. The stillness that follows is tense, filled only with the sound of their breathing. Tansypaw can feel Grousebelly’s pulse beneath her skin.

    Let go,” Grousebelly says, and she says it so sweetly that Tansypaw immediately complies. All of Tansypaw’s weight that wasn’t supported by the ground was supported by her hold on Grousebelly, and so as soon as Tansypaw lets go she falls fully to the ground. Grousebelly rights herself with an amount of poise that Tansypaw hopes to someday achieve.

    Grousebelly hadn’t bled when Tansypaw had clamped down on her, but now as she rights herself, Tansypaw can see blood darkening the fur surrounding the bite. The sweetness in Grousebelly’s voice is betrayed by the glare she is leveling at Tansypaw, who somewhere in her chest delights in getting her way, being seen.

    What was my father like?” Tansypaw asks again, because she is certain the worst outcome has already happened, and Tansypaw feels vindicated, just, in her anger. The two stare at each other for a time, and then Grousebelly sighs, long and withdrawn.

    What you really want to know is if he was anything like you,” Grousebelly sits, elegant, as if there isn’t a creeping blossom on her neck, “He was a coward, Tansypaw. Just like you. Selfish and a coward, without your anger. Do you understand?

    Tansypaw does and she doesn’t. She doesn’t know if Grousebelly truly thinks this of her, or if Grousebelly’s ire is what informs her words. It doesn’t matter, Tansypaw’s trust is already severed, “His name was Cindercloud,” Tansypaw speaks lowly, holding onto the little information she knows to be true.

    You are worse than he was, don’t you get that? At least he didn’t bite. He wasn’t spoiled as you are, he wouldn’t embarrass himself with these tantrums,” Grousebelly remains sitting and Tansypaw wishes her voice would be anything but saccharine.

    He wanted to meet me. His name was Cindercloud,” She paces in place, aware of her ugliness, her anger. It burns too cold in her skin and demands the heat of blood. Tansypaw shouldn’t have lashed out physically. She can’t bring herself to regret it, but she shouldn’t have done it.

    He dreaded your birth. He wanted little to do with you,” Grousebelly shoots back, honey-like and full of thorns.

    The elders have told Tansypaw of Cindercloud. Have they lied to spare her feelings? The unknown of it feels as though Tansypaw has stepped out over a ravine, “His name was Cindercloud,” Tansypaw repeats because Grousebelly will not say it, “He was a private sort- kept to himself and—

    He was terrified of the world and shut himself away. No one speaks ill of the dead.

    What was he like?” Tansypaw means to demand, but her voice rises in a desperate pitch, “Why can’t you just—? We can talk without it being a fight!

    We aren’t fighting.” Grousebelly angles her head, giving Tansypaw a better view of the damage she had done to Grousebelly’s neck.

    His name was Cindercloud,” Tansypaw tries again, “Did you love him? Was he— was he good? Don't I deserve to know?” He had been alive, his name deserves to be spoken. Tansypaw carries his blood, his legacy. Her family tree is shadowed in strangers. He deserves to be known.

    He was like you,” Grousebelly repeats, the first tint of frustration entering her voice, “You don’t understand, he was like you. Only, he didn’t spit like you. He didn’t have your anger.

    It’s your anger!” Tansypaw accuses.

    Your anger is your own. I didn’t put it there! StarClan knows where this attitude problem has come from.

    Attitude problem! Tansypaw has an attitude problem now, does she? Later, she will regret this, knowledge that Tansypaw holds and disregards in the moment. Later, she will regret this but right now her heart hammers the hurt into her bones, and her anger chills her.

    Later, she will regret this, and Tansypaw knows this, just as she knows from her training that Grousebelly isn’t sitting in a way that is balanced, and if Tansypaw could just—

    Her movements are quick, a single stride is all it takes to close the distance that has grown between herself and her mother, and serpentine in her strike, Tansypaw pushes herself up with her hindlegs, headbutting Grousebelly’s chin. The blow was unexpected, and Grousebelly wasn’t balanced, and Tansypaw is going to regret this.

    Grousebelly stumbles, and with another sudden strike Tansypaw topples her, and then she is upon Grousebelly, white teeth gnashing like a rabid dog. The only thing preventing Tansypaw from ripping into Grousebelly with them is Grousebelly’s forepaws— one on Tansypaw’s chest, the other under her chin. Blinded in her sudden rage, Tansypaw doesn’t think to do anything to circumvent the block, she just continues to press against it, even as she chokes for breath.




    —kill you, I’ll kill you—

    Grousebelly’s hindpaws find purchase against Tansypaw’s gut, and an abrupt kick knocks Tansypaw off just enough for Grousebelly to rise. Tansypaw stumbles to the left, coughing, and still so livid her tail bristles with it. Grousebelly stumbles to the right, a wordless growl rising in the silence between them. She’s crouched in a defensible position, her ears folded against her neck and sharpened claws exposed.

    I didn’t put that anger there,” Grousebelly says after the two of them had both caught their breaths. She remains standing as if Tansypaw will attack at any moment, and a part of Tansypaw delights in it. “Who taught you that move?

    And Tansypaw feels cold for a different reason now. Before, it had been from a righteous and silver anger, but this chill was as if she had been walking on what she had assumed to be solid ground up until hearing the crack of overburdened ice. Dread fills her lungs fast enough to drown on, and Boletenose had told Tansypaw that she must not tell anyone of her dream-training and now Grousebelly is suspicious, and with the clarity of fear Tansypaw understands from who she inherited her anger from.

    She is saved from being forced to answer by the sound of— StarClan— the sound of a patrol. Someone calls out, asking if everything is alright, asking about the bloodscent in the air, and the ringing in Tansypaw’s ears is loud enough that she cannot hear what Grousebelly says, but the responding, “No, Tansypaw did this?” is heard with an unnatural clarity and twists Tansypaw’s gut strong enough that she dry-heaves. Grousebelly has her head craned to show the wound on her neck to the head of the patrol.

    Eyes are on her, and Tansypaw understands that she is supposed to explain herself. Blood still blooms from the bite on Grousebelly’s neck. She had just— Tansypaw didn’t think, she just acted. She was just angry. The grim satisfaction she felt seeing her mother’s wound still flickers, a faint light against the roaring sun of her remorse. Small, negligible, but still there. Tansypaw thinks over her words carefully, and realizes how weak her explanation will sound before she says it.

    She was, Grousebelly was pretending as if I wasn’t there.” Tansypaw murmurs, her narrow eyes set to her paws. She chances a glance up at Grousebelly, who looks back at Tansypaw with a quiet hurt and contempt. Tansypaw doesn’t know how she could have been so wrong earlier. Grousebelly’s rage was never so explosive, it was the sweet scent of berries that promised poison. It was Boletenose who had taught Tansypaw violence.

    It was just a game, Tansypaw. If I’d known you’d take it so seriously…” Grousebelly is lying. Tansypaw knows this, but she doesn’t argue. It’s Grousebelly’s neck that bleeds, not hers.

    As a scolded kit would, Tansypaw falls silent, scuffing the snow beneath her paw and awaiting judgement.


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    lavs
    lavs
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    Post by lavs Mon Jan 04, 2021 1:36 am

     midnights in october 

    she feels her heart wrench the moment the npc dashes into camp. "darkstar, sir... ma'am!" he stumbles in his words and her claws itch to smack him across the face. how clear has she been for moons and moons about her pronouns? her gender? but then he speaks again and everything she had just thought matters no more. "tansypaw attacked her mother! or... something! you've got to come quick before it gets ugly!" he turns and dashes out of camp and she tears herself to her paws, heart racing. tansypaw. her tiny, fiery apprentice, who's progressed so quickly through her training. she sometimes wonders how often the girl trains when she's not around- her fighting moves have improved ten times over since she's began her training, and it's been but two moons.

    her paws pound the forest floor, sending snow flying behind her as she dives after the npc warrior. thoughts flash through her head until they blur and the only thing she can hear is the beat of her heart and the breath that forces its way out of her chest. the clearing comes sooner than she expects, and she slows to a stalk, tail raised above her head in regal appearance as she follows her warrior into the situation. grousebelly stands beside the patrol, bleeding from her neck, and darkstar's first instinct is to make her way towards the femme, gently checking to see if she is alright. but then she sees tansypaw, cowed and scratching against the snow, and she beelines for her apprentice, ears flattened against her head. "what is going on?" eyes of molten magma meet the gaze of the patrol before she glances at grousebelly, and finally looks at her tiny apprentice. "i want both stories. grousebelly, tell your side. someone fetch rainwhisper please."
    // a shitty reply oof im sorry <3


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    DARKSTAR
    DARKSTAR

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    Join date : 2020-10-02

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    Post by DARKSTAR Mon Jan 04, 2021 3:23 am

    pls i replied on the wrong account fuck
    okay um,,, track on darks account


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    ghost
    ghost
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    Post by ghost Thu Jan 07, 2021 11:55 pm



    TANSYPAW

    shadowclan apprentice | torbie | dsh | tags
     

    With the arrival of Darkstar, Tansypaw wilts further. None of this should have happened. Tansypaw shouldn’t have let her anger get away from her. It isn’t guilt that drives these thoughts, but a fear of retributional punishment. ShadowClan is Tansypaw’s home and beneath her frozen and forlorn mien she is certain that Darkstar will banish her for this. 

    We were walking,” Grousebelly starts, “And I was just poking a bit of fun, a little game, and Tansypaw took it seriously it would seem. She bit me, and while I was trying to figure out what had just happened she headbutted me of all things. Used her momentum to push me over while I was still surprised.” Tansypaw feels Grousebelly’s questioning eyes on her once more. She remains silent.

    She’s lucky she didn’t hurt herself with that little stunt. She should have hurt herself, it’s by the grace of StarClan that her brain isn’t as rattled as my teeth.” So Grousebelly wasn’t going to mention what started all of this? Tansypaw wraps her tail around herself to prevent it from flicking.

    I kept my neck straight with my back and used my hindlegs, not my forelegs, to push off with. It was no miracle.” Tansypaw snaps, because StarClan has little to do with it. Tansypaw is the one whose strike landed true, because she worked for it. She wouldn’t have been able to get such a hard strike with her paws, and couldn’t have made a strike half as concentrated with her body. It was the right way to knock Grousebelly over in the moment. 

    It was also something that could have very well been dangerous to Tansypaw. It could have hurt herself just as much as it had hurt Grousebelly, could have hurt herself moreso than Grousebelly. 

    Tansypaw had known what she was doing and, as she was starting to understand, this was something more to add to her rapidly growing list of problems.

    Distantly, Tansypaw recalls that pain is the best teacher. She flicks her gaze between Grousebelly and the ground, lost in the knowledge that Grousebelly knows better now. It  could be a good thing— next time Grousebelly won’t ignore her.

    Will Tansypaw give her the opportunity for a next time? Tansypaw thinks she might hate Grousebelly, and desperately she wants Grousebelly to love her. Desperately, always so desperately, she wants. “Everything else Grousebelly said is the truth,” Tansypaw will not be the dissenting voice. She doesn’t think she can, not currently. 

    I got— I got scared and angry. I shouldn’t have let… I shouldn’t have lost my temper.” (only tansypaw didn’t lose her temper, no matter how much she tries to convince herself otherwise. first, it was impulse, and the second time it wasn’t so much as losing her temper as it was letting it go. she had known she was going to regret this, known she was going to do the wrong thing and yet, in the moment, she had seen an opportunity and made a choice. the knowledge doesn’t sit well with tansypaw. she rejects it.)


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    hanakosong
    hanakosong

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    Post by hanakosong Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:11 pm

    Icepaw is in the clearing of ShadowClan's camp when the npc rushes in to inform Darkstar of what the patrol found. Tansypaw. She is unsure what exactly draws her toward the other apprentice, but Icepaw swears that some deeper part of her soul is attached to Tansypaw - stuck in an orbit that leaves her spinning helplessly round and round with no intention of trying to flee.
    But she worries now, hearing something of an attack, something about Tansypaw and her mother. Icepaw's mentor is indisposed at the exact moment that demands attention, so the lithe white tabby scoops up a kit of herbs she had been shown how to bundle just last moon. She follows Darkstar and the npc back toward the patrol, toward Tansypaw.
    Arriving at the scene, the patrol seems unharmed. Tansypaw appears unharmed, if rattled and disturbed by the state of her fur. Gorsebelly - Icepaw recognizes the she-cat now she sees her face - has blood blooming at her scruff and her fur is ruffled from whatever scrape mother and daughter had engaged in.
    Creeping carefully from around Darkstar's intimidating posture, Icepaw brushes against Tansypaw, setting her herbs down as indigo eyes flick between the two. She can't exactly take sides, because they're both her Clanmates and as a medicine cat, Icepaw is being trained to remain impartial. But she gravitates to Tansypaw anyway, and pretends to herself that it means less than it actually does.
    "Are you injured?" Icepaw murmurs to Tansypaw under her breath. "Is there anything you need?" She doesn't know how Tansypaw will react to her gentle concern, but that doesn't stop Icepaw from asking.

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