TURNING SAINTS INTO THE SEA . burrodark

it starts as a terrible ache, one burro tries his best to swallow. forcing it down, only to let it simmer as an attentive gaze sweeps the area. this isn't right. a holy voice reminds him, trying to lead him to a better light. he wants to follow, his paws twitch and yearn. you haven't the right to feel like this, burro. it speaks the truth, but he turns a deaf ear to it.

jealously is an ugly, rotten, sickening emotion that burro does not allow himself to feel. in these moments, he is nothing but a hypocrite biting down words. burro had always preached the importance of emotions. recognizing them, allowing them. feelings themselves were not bad, they never could be. there was no morality to it, just how one feels. there is no right, no wrong. and yet, he can't help the ache in his heart. biting gingerly at whatever it can, infecting him as he continues to let the situation happen. because, truly, does he really have the right to meddle?

there was a power imbalance, warrior to leader, he shouldn't feel this way. but those damn eyes are starting to drive him insane. roving, searching, lovesick and hungry for her attention. burro was nothing but a simple man, one too stubborn to recognize the truth of the situation and instead find comfort in white lies. it is simply because darkstar is burro's closest friend here. he obviously wants her attention, but that's because burro thrives in the eyes of others.

the mouse in his jaw feels more and more like a rat as he stares down the comptetito-no. no burro. that's your clan mate. competition? she is not a prize to be won. but he wants to win, in some metaphorical sense, he assumes.

he can't take it anymore, the attempted flirting and gentle laughter, or the way he's looking at her, and definitely not the way she looks at him. a brilliant grin, though he can already feel the sting of such forced joviality setting in, is plastered upon his features. to anyone else, burro was the same. the tensing in his back isn't visible unless to the trained eye. "g'day, i-uh, ha-" a sense of dread forms at the pit of his stomach.

what is burro even doing? "hate t' cut the conversation! look'd like a' good one too!" he didn't hate to cut it at all, he wanted to tear it apart. "but-" he turns his attention to his clan-mate, still resembling the loving burro the clan had come to know. "askin' for ya', small group o' cats want some help with den-repairs." there was a small group doing den repairs, so he didn't lie on that part. he was just...helping them out. weren't they complaining about a lack of paws to help?

@DARKSTAR

for one so observant, she can be blindly oblivious. shadowclan's goddess stands comfortably in front of the npc, ears twitching as he chatters on about something. in truth, she's somewhat bored. this conversation feels familiar, the lilt of his voice a common sound at this point. it seems this particular npc is everywhere she goes these days, tripping on her heels as she leads patrols, or at the front of the crowd at every meeting. it's not that she dislikes the attention- on the contrary, she finds herself basking in his glow, but she can't help but feel guilty. butterflies rustle in her stomach as she glances past the warrior to spot her friend, but a frown will form on her face for a brief moment as she catches his expression.


"...and i leapt down from the tree with the squirrel's nest. we got a lot of prey that day," the ginger furred npc grins, blinking up at her. "i'm sure you've got plenty of hunting stories of your own, oh wonderful leader." his voice is velvety, a hint of a something else within the warmth. she chuckles, snapping back to the present with a small start. "certainly blazestorm," she'll humor him, paws kneading the earth, and she settles down, wrapping her tail tighter around herself. she smiles at him, because this attention feels good, even if she doesn't wish to admit it. she's drawn to love like a moth to a flame, rolling in its warmth until she's coated. if blazestorm wants to offer his heart, she'll take it unknowingly. "once i-" she's cut off by a familiar scent, and her heart quickens. burro approaches with an easy grin on his face, blinking in his friendly way. he speaks to blazestorm and the man clicks his tongue, still glancing at darkstar. "ah, duty calls, my queen," he gives a little bow, before winking, and steps away, tail swishing behind him. "good luck!" darkstar will call after him, a smile on her face. "it was a good conversation. we were talking about our best hunts. he's pretty great." but somehow the topic doesn't seem so interesting anymore. she gives a long glance towards where the russet tabby is now aiding his clanmates in den building. a sigh leaves her lungs, but her eyes are bright when she turns to face burro. "you seemed troubled a few moments ago, farm boy. what's up?" 

he's stuck worrying the inside of his cheek, watching the ginger-furred man leave the area with reluctance. the ache in him had worsened, accompanied by an overarching wave of guilt. truly, he wasn't supposed to meddle. but burro was never known to think his actions through. most of his patience had already been tempered, biting down uncharacteristic remarks about the passing warrior.

burro respected darkstar, never get him wrong for that, but his queen? a quick, suspicious glance is directed in the way of his leader. searching for another sign of life. she wasn't pregnant, right? she'd tell him. he'd know. she didn't have a secret family or anything...right? clan cats were weird with their naming. he had only learnt recently about why queens were called queens.

his leader reclaims his attention with an exhale, and burro is forced to push the affronting tom to the back of his thoughts. a small quirk of an eyebrow is sent to his companion, though his gentle smile has yet to slip. "ah-" a huff of his own is released, deciding that the far-off trees had been more interesting at the moment. how is he to explain this? should he, even?

"guess i'm still worrin' over some chicks." he just won't explain what kind. "thought i was ova' all the homesickness." they're probably grown by now, anyways. so is darkstar. she's a capable woman. she was enjoying a nice conversation. burro had no right to chase off that other tom. "sorry, again. for, uh, ruinin' your conversation."

"i can keep ya' entertained too, though. if that's what you want."

very smooth, burro.

a soft laugh huffs from the lips of the femme as she flicks her companion with her tail tip. the man is acting strangely, although it's not that out of the ordinary. she still doesn't quite know him- burro has hidden depths she's yet to discover. "worried over chicks? someone catch your eye?" she ignores the slight ache in her heart as she teases him. his mention of homesickness sends sympathy radiating from her heart. with a small smile, darkstar settles down, glancing into the piercing eyes of the other as if they'll devolve even a smallest bit of information.

she's known the man to be steadfast and strong, with an unyielding way with words, but he's stumbling now. "hey, to be honest with ya, i was kinda getting bored." her voice slips into a low drawl as she imitates the npc. "i hunted a dog and didn't even get a scratch. pfft. i don't know why he was trying to talk himself up. maybe he's interested in deputy. he could be the pretty one in the pair i suppose," a laugh exhales from her maw, eyes rolling as she imagines showing up to a gathering with the npc and his bragging. "he's got the face for it." once again, the leader displays her remarkable ability to be completely useless on matters of the heart.

"anyway, he's gone now," it's strange that a heat breaks over her face as burro continues his apology, and she'll butt him with her head. "and you didn't ruin the conversation. i'd love to spend time with you burro" there's something genuine  in the tone, as opposed to her low sigh as she speaks about blazestorm. "tell me your adventures from the farm..." pausing, golden eyes go wide and she steps back. "or not, if you don't want to. i don't wanna bring up sad memories. homesickness isn't fun."[/color] there's a softness in her gaze as she awaits his reply.. 

he bites his tongue, once loose and careless, at her gentle tease. no. maybe. yes? he felt similar to the boy in his youth, far too lost to understood the way his heart twisted and ached. not understanding anything, of why certain things hurt, why others alleviated the dull thud. a part of him wanted to answer her question as it was, the other wanted to correct and clarify her that he was simply talking about birds. for once, maybe burro was overthinking.

instead, he resorts to a low hum. vague, not truly meant to answer but simply to fill in the silence. her voice lowers, mimicking the very man he is starting to resent. he almost wants to laugh along, try an impression of his own. but there's a sour taste in his mouth that he fears may expose him. but her next words draw him from his hazed stupor, abandoning his own seed of insecurity to face her own. "huh?" maybe the orange menace's flirting can't be easily detected when faced, but heavens he could spot it from miles away. did she truly not understand?

"he's got the face of a lame jackal." very subtle, burro. his own voice is gruff, trying to figure out how to exactly tackle this. he just knew that he never wanted to hear darkstar compliment the departed party again. "pretty position is already filled, you ain't seen yourself?" his own drawl comes out as burro struggles to contain very different halves. one wanted to keep complimenting her, the other wanted to skip the dance and simply show darkstar that the ginger warrior was flirting with her.

"oh-ya' sure? you'll listen t'me ramble all day-" he wouldn't even know where to start. there's so much to unpack- "how about this, a story for a story. i'll tell ya' anything ya' wanna know about me and.." he had no secrets, of course. burro was an open book, willing to let anyone read his contents. he just knew not everyone was similar. "ya just tell me what you're comfortable wit' sharin'." no boundaries overstepped, right?

he hums in nether agreement or disagreement, and curiosity flares in her, like a small flame that'll grow with each breath. still, he seems amiable enough to her words, listening intently as she complains and complements the npc warrior. his tone is biting in his response, and her ears begin to flatten, an eyebrow raised. "jealous, burro?" it's in a teasing tone- obviously this man can never be jealous. what would he even have to be envious of? and yet-

a heat flares in her skin as the complement sinks through her. "oh please," the words are mumbled with a flustered air, but she smiles. "i doubt most see it that way, but thanks, farm boy." a blink of golden optics and she's composed herself, gaze fixed upon the man beside her. "sounds good. i'll tell you anything you want to know." immediately she wonders whether this is a good idea, but it's already said. "what were your family like? did you grow up with them?" 

"what do i have to be jealous about?" solid, unwavering confidence despite the unease settled in his stomach. burro was confident in himself, there really wasn't any reason to be jealous. of course, emotions weren't logical anyways. "unless...you wanted me to be?" abandoning the nausea setting in, he flashes his partner a teasing grin. lips curled and eyes roving, a slight bump against her shoulder.

immediately, darkstar pounces upon her opportunity and burro is forced to suppress a chuckle. family, huh? it's not a topic he's exactly shy about, but it's also not something the man brings up often. "my family wasn't tha' best..." he always feel the need to preface certain topics, eyeing the woman beside him to gauge her reaction. "pops wanted kits, jus' not to take care of 'em, y'know? my poor mother just ain't one for raising kits either. she only stuck around to make sure i didn't end up kicking the bucket too early." burro wasn't fond of his parents, but he would never outwardly curse them. sure, they should've done better. they either should have never had him or been around to make sure he had been able to be raised properly. but the past was the past, and he's wasted enough of his youth angsting over it.

besides, burro had a whole life to live. why focus on such trivial matters now? "so then, how was yours, clan cat?" he'll turn the question back, now fully settling in. a silent offering of his shoulder, just for the physical contact. 

his voice rings with that note of confidence he always carries, and an eyebrow raises, a soft chuckle echoing from the vocals of the woman. at his next sentence, she simply blinks, startled for a moment at the forwardness of the whole thing. she's never been one to recognize obvious things- despite the clever wit and sharp tongue, darkstar is oblivious to matters of her heart. the way he speaks sends her heart thumping, and a soft clearing of her throat indicates she's unsure how to answer.

thankfully, burro answers her next questions with a smile, and the topic is switched, to the matter of family, which she now realizes might have been a bad starting point. he gives an overview of the family he's known, and she wonders if the feeling in her chest is jealousy. sure, the man's experience with family is anything but normal, but at least he has closure, something darkstar's not sure she'll ever have. she's about to comment when there's a tingling in the back of her neck and she turns sharply, finding the emerald gaze of the npc tom burning into her own. a twitch of her tail and he turns. confusion sparks within her gaze, for he's frowning, but burro is speaking again, and she shakes it off.

her family. oh. well this is a difficult subject. how much will he want to know, she wonders. does he care enough to sit through the whole tragic tale? she fears for just a moment that he'll scoff at the story. after all, most days she wonders if it's her fault, so why would he disagree? a sigh escapes her lungs and she tenses without meaning to. the crystal gaze of this man meets her own and she tips her head, allowing the gentle touch of his shoulder, a fond nudge in his direction. "it's complicated, i suppose," she begins with this, because it truly is. "you probably know- the clan likes to gossip, but i wasn't born... how i am now," stars above, this is hard to explain when she doesn't even have the words to explain to herself. "i was born a tom. or at least my body was. my parents loved me. i have a few siblings, too, but i guess they always thought i was the favorite."

she can picture her kithood so easily, remembers the warmth and utter joy that came with complete obliviousness to her troubles. "when i became an apprentice, i started to feel as though i wasn't very comfortable in my body. i remember getting mistaken with a different apprentice at the time, who was a she-cat, and i felt so good when they called me 'she.' so i did some digging, and asked the medicine cats about it, and... i started using 'she,' i guess." there's a pause in her breathless story, golden optics searching the azure ones of her companion. there's no sign of doubt or distaste there yet, but he hasn't heard the worst part, she supposes.

"when i came out to my parents, they didn't believe me at first. i was the perfect son, i guess, and they didn't really want to believe that i had been lying to them all those moons. eventually though, they began to catch on, and... some things happened. we don't talk now. my siblings have separated to different clans, and the ones who stayed here i barely speak to. it's messy." messy is one way to describe it. bloody at some points, tear strewn. "anyway..." she's run out of words, and her brow furrows. "sorry, that's heavy and we were having a light conversation." a soft laugh. "but yeah."