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Post by ghost on Thu Oct 22, 2020 11:24 pm


TANSYPAW
shadowclan apprentice | torbie | dsh  

For all of her young life, Tansypaw has known the following as fact: She isn't wanted, not in the way everyone else is. There is something inherent about her deemed unlovable. Too much, her mother had said. Too clingy. She knows she is either too loud or too quiet or too bold or too meek or too assured or too indecisive-

Tansypaw blows air out her nose. Too extreme, she settles on.

Ultimately, above all else, Tansypaw knows this: She wants, desperately and fully, to be loved. She wants it so fully that it makes her ache, makes it hard to breathe, hard to think. She'll do anything if it means being loved, she'll be anything, anyone. It burns in her skin, a mantra that they hate her, they all hate her and she's sure to fail, and, and she'll be left behind and abandoned and forgotten and. Her heart skitter-stops then jumps in her chest.

She wants, she wants, she wants, and it colors everything she does. On this morning, when she had awaken, Tansypaw had done so with a hollow chest. She's empty inside, she thinks. Empty and lost. Her heart drifts and her moods change with the violence of the seasons. Frost-like teeth encroaching on Leaf-fall, the dangers of Leaf-bare looming.  

It is a quiet day. Peaceful. Tansypaw has been an apprentice for three days, so far. She sits just outside of the apprentice den, lost in her dour thoughts. Movement, someone passing by, perks Tansypaw up, and she's on her paws in an instant, ”Hey! Hi!Too eager, tone it down!I just wanted to say you aren't impressive,No, not that either-But I still want to hang out with you! If you want to hang out with me that is, I know I'm not very...” Best to just stop talking.

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Post by Firepaw~ on Sun Oct 25, 2020 12:20 am

FIREPAW
Apprentice ~  6 moons ~ red Somali


Firepaw would stop in her walking as a voice chirped up to greet her. Eyes of emerald green would flicker over to one of the newer faces within the apprentice den, and the pretty Somalis' face would light up with its usual humble warmth as her new denmate spoke. "Good Morning, Tansypaw!" She would turn so she could face the torbie properly as she seemed to nervously fumble her sentences and she would purr in compassionate amusement as she nodded, "I'd love to hang out with you! What shall we do first? Have you been given a tour of the territory yet?" 

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Post by ghost on Sun Oct 25, 2020 11:09 pm



TANSYPAW
shadowclan apprentice | torbie | dsh | tags

You would? I mean, yeah, yeah, that's...” Tansypaw trails off, fighting the urge to thank Firepaw. That wouldn't be right. She wants to ask Firepaw if she wants to be her friend, which also wouldn't be right. That's how kits talked to one another, and Tansypaw isn't a kit anymore. Tansypaw has to be good and she has to be mature and she has to trick Firepaw into thinking she really, really is those things, or else Firepaw wouldn't like her.

Then Tansypaw remembers that Firepaw continued talking after saying I'd love to hang out with you! and it takes everything Tansypaw has to hide her grimace. The territory. The great big territory, that was outside of camp. The territory that she wants to see! She wants to see it really bad, actually, but then she goes out with Darkflame and a twig will snap or she'll smell a badger and decide that she's seen enough of ShadowClan for a lifetime.

"Of course I've been given a tour of the territory. Seen all of it. Lots of... mud." Liar. She's a lying liar who lies. Terrible! Firepaw shouldn't like her. "We should stay here, or else I'll step in the mud, and I'll sink in all the way up to my ears and you'll have to drag me out. Then you'll be all muddy too." But what could they do? Tansypaw perks, "Oh, lets tell stories! I made one up that's really good!"

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Post by daisypaw << on Wed Oct 28, 2020 11:05 am

daisypaw could hear tansypaw's loud voice as she introduced herself to firepaw, and also asked her what she wants to do. she listened to the conversation - unfortunately eavesdropping - and heard tansypaw say there was mud. mud? she didn't think so..in her four moons, there typically wasn't a lot of mud unless there was a rainstorm. but, she wouldn't say anything.

the fluffy she-cat made her way over to the pair, sitting down a little bit away from them because she didn't want to intrude too much, but close enough to give off the impression that she wanted to be included if they would let her. her ears perked a bit at tansypaw saying that she had a really good story. well, daisypaw would like to listen!

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Post by ghost on Fri Oct 30, 2020 10:36 pm



TANSYPAW
shadowclan apprentice | torbie | dsh | tags

Now, with an audience, expected to speak, Tansypaw has doubts in her story. She has said it’s good, it feels good, but she has never spoken it out loud. She has never told it to anyone but herself. It could be terrible, and Tansypaw could look like a self-centered mousebrain for calling it good! She’s silent for a time, mustering up the courage to begin.

A deep, centering breath, eyes closed, she speaks: “The story begins with a warrior named Campionfang. She isn’t a good warrior, but she tries very hard to make her clan happy. No matter what she does, there is something wrong with the way that she does it. When she gathers moss, the queens complain that it’s shredded and not nearly soft enough. When she hunts, she misses more than she catches, and the other apprentices— other warriors on the patrol complain that she scares all the prey away. When she pulls fleas and ticks from the elders, they complain that she is too rough and that she is too messy with the bile.

After having begun speaking, it becomes easier. Shyly, she opens her eyes, “One day, Campionfang meets someone named… Dandelion. He isn’t from ShadowClan, or any clan as far as Campionfang is aware. He is older than she is, and when she meets him, Dandelion is sitting on a fence post, his head lifted towards the sun. When he notices Campionfang, he introduces himself, and Campionfang introduces herself. Dandelion takes one look at her and says, ‘Well, I see someone who needs my help,’

Campionfang says back, ‘I cannot ask for your help,’

And Dandelion replies, ‘You are not asking me, I am offering,’

Campionfang is… she’s curious and she’s skeptical. Dandelion is older than she is, and so he knows more than her, and so she can probably trust his word. Dandelion says, ‘My friend, what troubles you is that you cannot gather moss well enough. I know this simply by the way you stand. If you want to fix this, take these three herbs and circle your nest three times immediately before you sleep.’

Dandelion gives Campionfang the three herbs, and while she wonders if they are poisonous, she knows that if she dies she can strike Dandelion with lightning from StarClan. So she does as he says even though the herbs are bitter, and the next day she wakes up, and she is so good at gathering moss that she gathers all the moss in ShadowClan! It is the softest, plushest moss, and all the queens thank Campionfang. But then, Campionfang goes to hunt, and she is still bad at it.

She goes to Dandelion again, to thank him for his help and ask if he can offer her anything else. She finds him on the same fencepost, and when he sees her he says, ‘My friend, something still troubles you. You are a terrible huntress, I can see it in how you walk. Here, take three licks from this honey, and stretch your back three times before you sleep.’

Campionfang does as he says even though the honey is sticky, and when she wakes she hunts so good that the freshkill pile is taller than the clanrock! The other warriors thank Campionfang and tell her that she did a good job. Still, when she goes to aid the elders, they complain that she is too rough and she makes all the ticks pull at their skin when she yanks them off.

So once more, she goes to Dandelion, and to her he says, ‘My friend, there is one last thing that troubles you. You are a terrible caregiver, I can see it in the way you move. Here, pluck a feather from these three birds, and before you sleep, lash your tail three times.’ Campionfang is very thankful to Dandelion for giving her so much good advice, and she follows it, even though the three birds he asked her to pluck a feather from were all still alive…


Here, Tansypaw’s nose wrinkles, showing how distasteful she finds the idea. Remembering her audience, her face smooths and she continues, “When she wakes, she plucks every flea, tick, and bit of burr from the pelts of the elders, until their fur is as clean as a newborn kitten’s! They thank her, and at last not one of her clanmates has a complaint about her! Tan-Campionfang is happy!

Or… or she thinks she is. She is very grateful for Dandelion’s help, but she doesn’t like that she had to hurt those, uh, those birds, and she wonders if the bees are okay without their honey, and she wonders if those herbs she ate were for something important. But, Campionfang also has a mother who doesn’t really have time for her, and she hoped that maybe if she was a good warrior, her mother would make time for her- but what if her mother doesn’t? And Campionfang, even a very skilled Campionfang, just isn’t enough?

And she also has a mentor, a, uh, a former mentor that is, who liked to teach Campionfang things, and who Campionfang liked to spend time with, and now that Campionfang knew everything she didn’t… her mentor didn’t need to spend time with her anymore, and Campionfang was scared that, that now that Campionfang didn’t need the help, that her mentor wouldn’t spend time with her anymore. That the only reason they spent time with each other was because Campionfang needed to be taught.


Tansypaw’s ears fold, the first sign of her nervousness since she has started the story, “And she also wonders if Dandelion is a good cat. Maybe she trusted someone she shouldn’t have, and maybe… um. Well, anyway, she goes to see Dandelion, and she tells him that she’s thankful for all of his help, but that she doesn’t think she needs him anymore, and it makes him angry, and he tells her that she wouldn’t be- she wouldn’t be anything without him helping her.

He taught her all the good things about her, and so Campionfang doesn’t know what to do, because Dandelion helped her with all that stuff! That’s, this is the end of the story.
” Tansypaw doesn’t like the ending very much. Out loud, she doesn’t like the story very much.


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Post by somethingtardisblue on Sat Oct 31, 2020 8:22 pm

The small kitten had been looking for Firepaw when she stumbled across the group. Gingerkit would occasionally shadow her big sister, trying to learn as much as she could. Being in the nursery was boring. All the older cats treated her like a baby who can't do anything for herself, and her brother was annoying.


As she sat down next to her sister, Tansypaw started her story. She looked up at the apprentice with bright green eyes as she listened intently. The tale of Dandelion and Campionfang was interesting, though Gingerkit had to put effort into not commenting on parts that didn't make much sense. She had learned quickly that the elders didn't like it when she interrupted them. But things like a freshkill pile larger than the clanrock was just silly. As the story continued, the kit found she didn't like either of the characters. Campionfang was always doubting herself and Dandelion was just a know-it-all and he was mean and probably lying. Why would plucking feathers off birds make you better at dealing with grumpy elders?


Then the story was just over. Tansypaw didn't even finish it properly. "That's not the end." Gingerkit stated. "When the elders tell stories, they always end it with a lesson and the character learns something. You haven't done that, so the story's not over. Maybe you could do it so Campionfang finds out that Dandelion's weird tricks were lies or something. And then she learns that she could do the things now because she believed she could." Maybe adding in the more constructive criticism would mean Firepaw wouldn't tell her off for being rude again. It wouldn't help Tansypaw tell better stories if no one told her that it had a bad ending, so why not have Gingerkit be the one to do it? 


"speech
GINGERKIT | 2 MOONS | KIT | SHADOWCLAN

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Post by daisypaw << on Sun Nov 01, 2020 6:27 pm

daisypaw listened intently, her green eyes flicking over as gingerkit also joined the crowd. unlike the kit, daisypaw didn't think the story was all that bad! she found it pretty interesting. she liked the idea that she asked for so much and then the dandelion cat got mad when she said she was better off without him. anyone would be mad if they gave someone so much just to be thrown away in the end.

she let out a small, quiet sigh when gingerkit was speaking up to say that it didn't have a good ending and she should try again. now that she pointed it out and daisypaw thought about it, she was right; the story didn't have much of a lesson. well, not an outright one at least. "i think you have to choose a lesson based on what you thought of the story," daisypaw spoke, trying to explain her thoughts. "like..i think the story means everything has a price to pay. or..don't take things for granted." maybe that would help gingerkit realize she had to come up with her own story. "i thought it was neat, tansypaw. thank you for sharing it with us."

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my heart in bloom || OPEN Rsz-1rsz-calico-fixed

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Post by ghost on Sat Nov 07, 2020 1:12 am



TANSYPAW
shadowclan apprentice | torbie | dsh | tags

Gingerkit's critique stings. Tansypaw tries to pretend it doesn't, even if her tail rises in a defensive bristle. "It is the end!" She yells, then moments later, realizes that Gingerkit's advice is actually sound. It wasn't a very good story, was it? "I don't think I'm good at stories yet. I shouldn't have shouted." It feels... cathartic, perhaps, to tell. Tansypaw can't decide if she feels better or worse after sharing it, but she is certain that she somehow feels different. Less weighted.

"I don't think I know the point of the story yet." She admits to Daisypaw, "Maybe Gingerkit's right and it still needs an ending." Said like that, it doesn't seem too grim. The ending hasn't come yet, the uncertainty isn't all there is to look forward too. "When I think of a new one, I can let you know. And then you wouldn't have to wonder what the moral of it is."

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